Maharashtra Politics : a bollywood love triangle

Last evening I had a few friends come over to my place. Instead of chatting about fashion, relationships and the usual topics, we often discuss literature, Politics and current affairs. (Yes, we are geeks and we are boring!) Since it was the day of Vidhansabha election results in Maharashtra and Haryana, obviously the same was our topic of discussion (read bakchodi). Almost all results were out and BJP had emerged as the largest party with 123 seats, yet not enough to form government on its own. Shiv Sena with 63 seats emerged as second largest party. The rest fared as follows :

With all the high voltage pre-poll political drama in Maharashtra, that witnessed split in not one but two alliances, the scene was nothing less than a political equivalent of an Ekta Kapur Sas-Bahu melodrama. NCP soon offered its support for a BJP government from outside unconditionally. With this new kahani mein twist, we all could see a perfect Bollywood love-triangle. "What if this Love-triangle was from the movie Devdas?" - with that thought in mind, we continued our Bakaiti session and equating parties with characters from the movie. Here is the outcome.

Right from the tug-of-war between Sena and BJP for seats to their breakup and then all the vituperative epithets used by Sena for Modi, Sena's behavior was more like an insolent girlfriend who had put her foot down on a demand, which lead to a breakup and then she dumps the blame on the other. Not just Paro, but Angry Paro!

A few members were expelled from Congress for opposing Sonia Gandhi's claim over the post of Prime Minister, back in 1999. These members came together and formed NCP. withing next 6 months the same party joined hands with Congress in Maharashtra to form government and then Joined UPA in the center as well. Hence, right from its 'accidental' conception, NCP has always enjoyed chair. Ever ready to partner with other parties for the pleasure of power, today after its split with Congress, its eyeing BJP; any guesses why? If Chair and Beds are furnitures and Politics, a brothel, we've found our Chandramukhi - Beautiful, shrewd and Fatal!

No points for guessing, which role resembles BJP; but since the whole scenario revolved around not the party but Modi, we had to nominate Modi for the role of Devdas, but a different Devdas. You see, as per the story, Devdas gets drunk and screws up his own health. Modi on the other hand is a teetotaller. So, what would he drink? MILK! And instead screwing up the whole situation even more like the original Devdas, Modi rolls up his sleeves and gets down to business. Hence, Modi isnt Devdas, but a Sanghi Devdas!

So, if Modi is Sanghi Devdas, who fits the bill for Chunni Babu? Ofcourse, the one and only Amit Shah! but again this Chunni Babu does not help his friend screw his life even more, but does everything he can to ensure his friend's victory. Thats Amit shah - a Sanghi Chunni Babu!

One party that has been trying to mediate a deal between Shiv Sena and BJP right when the tussle about the seats began has been the Republican Party of India (RPI). Even post polls, RPI chief Ramdas Athavle has remained hopeful of a Sena-BJP reconciliation. Yes, thats our Dharam da!

Born in an affluent family but low on morals, Congress has not only lost its ally, but now also helplessly watches it make advances towards its rival. Congress is a Cocky villain and hence Kali Babu... a Secular Kaali Babu.

An aggressive character with negative shades that has a presence on the scene as good as a cameo, provides a bit of comic relief and as the story advances which is soon rendered irrelevant is Kumud Bhabhi. Enough said!

Just when everyone thought we had discussed all the characters and parties and were busy making jokes on the last character, and predicting about new alliances, Ashraf Ali entered the scene.

Wait, what! isn't that a character from ... errm, from Gadar, ek prem katha?
yes, you guessed it right.
So isn't this kinda an intrusion?
Exactly!

Now chew on this : All India Majlis-e-Ittehadul-Muslimeen, AIMIM - a Communal party based in Hyderabad known for its floor leader Akbaruddin Owaisi's venomous hate speech against Hindus, won 2 seats in Maharashtra.

Excuse me. May I watch the movie please?

Usually the week goes by in the grind, leaving one totally exhausted as the weekend approaches. Lethargy overtakes the enthusiasm and so most weekends are spent at home, trying to recover, rejuvenate and prepare oneself for another week's grind. After spending such few weekends in a row at home, one gathers courage for an outing, and so did I. Only, my big adventure was going for a movie in a multiplex theater, which turned out to be a rather unpleasant experience. 

After a long time, I went to watch a movie with a friend. Even today standing in the theater while the National Anthem is played before the movie starts gives me goosebumps. I know, its silly; otherwise why would people be still moving around? After settling down, before the movie started, we had to endure a series of movie trailers and advertisements. Wait, aren't we being charged for the movie? And since we are, why the ads? I know, this is an ancient tradition, but that does not make it right, now does it?

I do not talk ill of people who enter late, for I too have been guilty of the same many a times; but could you please not step on my toes and keep you butt at a good distance while you dance in the dark through the narrow passage to reach your seat? A piece of advice - I'm sure your cell phone has a 'torchlight' facility, unless ofcourse its an ancient specimen. If it does, please use it to find you way to your seat and spare me the pain. 

just 10 minutes into the movie and I was distracted by high pitched cacophony from seats behind. A group of girls seemed like they had something really important to discuss about. I tried to ignore and it worked. The noise subsided, atleast for a while, and then suddenly a new wave of dissonance arose. I was sure they had something unavoidable to be discussed, like some National security issue. I'm an inquisitive being and so I couldn't help but try to make sense of what they were chirping about. Lipstick! they were talking about their Lipstick! Sucking all the frustration in, in a choked voice, I turned around and said, "Gals, do you mind?", as calmly and politely as I could. Solace, for a while. 

I have a habit of switching my cell phone to silent whenever I'm in a theater. Only about 5 minutes after the girls went quiet, my phone started to vibrate. A call from an unknown number. I was expecting a call from a client the same day. Since I didn't want to disturb others, I quietly sneaked out of the hall and attended the call in the passage.
"Hello."
"Hello, Sir. I'm from Airtel. We have a scheme..."
"Teri Maa ki...!", instead of using any vituperative epithets, I chose to disconnect the call and return. 

Back at my seat, amidst cellphone rings, SMS alerts and keypad tones from random directions, I was enjoying the movie...until someone's kid started crying at full volume. Where do kids get so much stamina to scream? they eat so little! Another important question is, if these two are miserable taking care of their teething child, should the others too be forced to go through the same hell? why bring your kid to a cinema hall? Shouldn't children below 5 be banned from such places? Take your kids to a garden. Please!

The air condition usually fills up the bladder for most of us normal mortals. And so, toilets at movie theaters are full as soon as there is an intermission. Dont get me wrong, I'm not complaining about the Que, just stating a plain fact. The movie post-intermission went uninterrupted, mostly, except once when one of the lipstick gang dropped their cellphone under their seat and exactly at that moment it started ringing. The Justin Bieber ring tone combined with the frenzy to search the cell phone was cherry on the cake. 

The movie ended and subtitles were rolling on the screen. Remember, how in school as soon as the bell rang kids rush outside? It was kinda same here too, only that one baby-step at a time. It was hard not to stamp on someone else's feet, but with determination one can achieve the impossible, and it was achieved. I fail to understand why are people in such a hurry to rush out of the hall that it could result into a stampede! chill people. Take a seat till the ones-about-to-miss-their-train clear the way. 

Back at home, As I reminisce over the whole affair, I can proudly claim that going to a movie theater is no less an adventure than any other. It teaches one the importance of anger control/management and sharpens one's communication skills. So, whenever you are too bored with your comfortable life at your home on weekends, do go for a movie at your nearest multiplex.